A Difficult Week for a Cat

It has been a difficult week for my sis-in-law's cat, Lily. I keep accidentally passing through her 5 feet bubble of personal space, not noticing her sitting underneath the fern plant, walking by her too quickly, and wearing white socks in her presence (she really hates those white socks). All of my horrible actions have elicited hisses, swats, and groans from her. She's even chased me once. (It's a little unnerving to be on the receiving end of a cat playing offense--ah!)

I'm not Lily's only archnemesis. She also hates a neighborhood cat named Milly (if you grew up in the 80s saying those two names close together might make you think of a certain band, now disgraced).

Lily's feud with Milly wakes everyone up most mornings around 6 am. The cats have settled into a happy routine of positive mutual disdain. Lily's hisses, growls, and high-pitched squeals usually give us notice that Milly has come to the glass door again to make faces at her.

The noise is so loud and the fight sounds so vicious that we might be tempted to think the glass door came down. But it hasn't. No Lily's fight is all "sound and fury, signifying nothing".

Miami Trip

I have a running relationship with bad luck, so when a friend suggested I meet up with him in Miami for his two hour layover in the airport--I should have said no right off the bat. It's a four hour drive from Orlando to Miami, and I had a to-do list that was hovering over me something wicked. But I'm a people person. And heck what was four hours in comparison to the three years I hadn't seen him? Plus, I had my handy new GPS, and I felt invincible. My days of getting lost were forever behind me!

Things started out bad. I struggled to get out of bed, I had to fill the gas tank up, but then I got in a good rhythm and kind of enjoyed seeing parts of Orlando I'd never encountered. "So this is what south Orlando looks like?" I eventually got on the Ronald Reagan Turnpike and was zipping (well, as much as I can zip along) until an overwhelming sleepiness came over me. I tried to fight it. But after I had one of those troublesome fantasies of just closing my eyes taking a long nice nap in the car, and after I found my car wandering into another lane, I decided a break was in order. I pulled off at a gas station and lost 20 minutes off my ETA.

Then I drove on and on and on and on. At one point my friend called and asked, "Where are you?" "I'm only 20 minutes away," I said. After talking with him, I discovered that he would be be boarding his flight in 40 minutes. "Oh no," I grumbled and willed myself to go faster...but it was around this time that things went bad. First traffic...the empty road became a bastion of slow moving cars (I watched my GPS ETA extend longer and longer). Then my GPS was very faithful in telling me--"in five hundred yards exit on the left". Unfortunately, those five hundred yards involved three lanes of traffic and people dead set on letting anyone in front of them.
(My estimated ETA got even later.)

After several loops and explorations of various Miami freeways, my friend called again. We determined that I had about 10 minutes to see him. I told him, "Run out to the drop off and pick up, and I'll meet you there." I had ten minutes left on my ETA. I could make it in time for a quick hug.

Come to find out the drop off/pick up section of the Miami Airport has one little entrance if you are wanting to be right next to the doors. I missed the entrance, and from where I was driving on an outer left lane, I couldn't see my friend. (He had been calling me from a pay phone.) I tried to exit to pull through the airport again, but I ended up pulling into a "service vehicle only" area entrance. Argh!! Eventually, I managed to swing around and go through the airport again. I got in on the inside lane. I stopped my car, got out, and looked for my friend. He was gone. I drove a little more, stopped my car and looked again--nope, he wasn't there. I realized I had missed him and pulled ahead over the curb (smack wack crunch thunk) in front of me with a heavy (and slightly embarrassed) heart.

I went immediately to Denny's for comfort. (Breakfast is the best comfort food.) I was tired and just needed some food. I sat in the booth pondering the absurdity of it all--I was in Miami with nothing to show for it. I drank a glass of cold ice water, and it slipped from my hands...ice landed on my lap and on the floor and several customers turned to see the commotion. Sigh.

I somehow hoped there was a bigger reason for me to be in Miami. I wanted to (at that point) save someone's life or run into a lost soul who needed a listening ear. Then I could say that the whole trip had been worth something. I had been sent to Miami on a mission!

No such opportunities showed up--though I did end up doing the bulk of my finals grading on a beach under a palm tree--that sure beat my office!!

There was one good thing that came out of the experience: besides lessons in better planning and more pessimism about my ability to get anywhere in the "estimated time"...the trip broke up a little wave of discontentment that had started to come over me the night before. In fact, I was so involved in my mini-pity party that Sunday night that my Miami airport friend had called me twice before I got back with him. I was trying to drown my sorrows in the Internet (reading obscure news articles and watching cat videos) that I hadn't noticed he had called me a second time.

His phone call/invitation to make a spontaneous trip to Miami changed the whole direction of my thought. I had to plan a trip! Then I had to execute it, and the execution was so poorly done that I had no time to think about the small thing making me discontent. I came back tired, amused, chagrined, and well content again.

So maybe that's what I'm walking away with. Sometimes God has to send me to Miami to get over myself.

Reaping and Sowing

"Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he reap" (Galatians 6:7-8, ESV).


I laid in my bed mulling over that text last night. Just the other day, I had spent some time reading over journals from about ten years ago. I was thinking about how the life I live now is a small reaping of the life I lived ten years ago. I wondered, "Did I sow well? Am I reaping now a good harvest?"

The second thing I considered was what am I sowing now? What is it that I'm bringing into my life that I will harvest later? What am I nourishing now that will grow up later?

I usually think of this text in the context of my spiritual life. (I want to sow generously in matters of God!) But the text can also be applied to every area of my life (my health, relationships, work etc). I read a book recently that emphasized this idea. It was called the Principle of the Path. The book's basic premise was simply--what we do now has a direct affect on our future. It seems like a no-duh principle, but I so easily forget it.

I want to blindly sow and blindly reap. I don't want to make a connection between what I do today and who I am tomorrow. Sometimes I'd rather blame chance than to blame myself.

The Principle of the Path was a call for me to sit down and heartily think about where I am, so that I won't be surprised when I get to my destination.

Downtown

I stood in downtown Orlando last night watching fireworks. The fireworks were gorgeous--bright whites, purples, and reds all breaking up over the buildings of downtown Orlando. I stood in front of a Baptist church with with a long front porch and white colonnades--a very southern architectural scheme. On the porch of the Baptist church were thirty plus homeless people. They had all set up camp for the night. They had marked their places with the blankets that the church provides every night.

The contrast was surreal. Above me the sky was breathtaking--behind me was one of the painful realities of life in the US: homelessness. (It has its various causes--mental illness, drug abuse, terrifically bad luck.)

My students have started a homeless ministry, and I was just along for the ride. We came down to pass out clothes (jackets, shirts, pants, underwear and socks). We also came to just hang out. I ended up kneeling and chatting with a woman who I guessed was in her early twenties if not teens. She sat next to her husband in his early thirties. We talked about their life. She had grown up on a farm and loved horses--"a real country girl" she said. He also had spent sometime in middle-of-no-where cities.

I don't know how much I can do to actually help the homeless (so many of their needs goes beyond handouts). I asked a friend about it on the way home. He told me the story of the pool Bethesda. He noted that there were dozens of sick people there, but Jesus only healed one. He said, you help prayerfully with wisdom, you establish relationships with the homeless, you let them know that this isn't about getting your good works done, and you let them know you care.

The 21st Century

At least once a semester I send my students outside to write about what they see, smell, hear, touch, and taste (if they eat!).

I just sent my students out and I'm waiting to hear back from them. One of the students left with his laptop. The other students were teasing him about dragging his computer out to write, and I joked with him a little too. He responded to the teasing with, "It IS the 21st century." He was turning as he spoke and didn't hear my response. I replied, "Tragically so."

There's a part of me that longs for life before the ubiquitous presence of phones, laptops, and handheld devices. You really could be with a person and just be with that person alone.

I sometimes feel sad that the generation just ten years younger than me does not know what life was like without the Internet. But for all my nostalgia I would not go back. I like what I read once about people who long for the past. The author suggested that nostalgic people go home on a hot August day and turn off their air conditioner.

Feet and Other Things

I was so grateful for the man sitting next to me in Sabbath School last week who asked, "Does the fact that I'm pointing my foot at you bother you?" He's spent a great deal of his life in Asia so he gets that small detail. It just made me happy.

I miss all the things that no one here really gets. For example, it doesn't make sense to go around complaining about my shoe that is falling apart and compare it to a loi-gao-gao shoe.

Before I moved to Thailand, I had only vague impressions of it. My knowledge of Thailand could be summed up in a sentence: it was the country with lots of prostitutes, a very successful AIDs campaign, and the place where they made pad thai.

So I guess I can't expect more from people. But it there's a certain sadness in having a world tucked away in the corner of my heart. I can only mutter Thai words to myself and move on.

Last week I was interviewed for a class on world religions about my experience in Thailand. After the professor thanked me for the interview, I struggled to stop talking. You mean its over? I can't share anymore?

Old Habits

I settle into my seat on the shuttle ride from my college to the school's parking lot. The shuttle is mostly empty so I lean my back against the window and stretch my legs out. Someone else comes in and sits on the other side of the aisle. Suddenly, I want to pull my feet in. The habit of not pointing my feet has become so ingrained it's almost a reflex. I feel a second of discomfort knowing that my toes are pointing toward this new person on the shuttle--but then I relax--nobody there knows I'm being rude by Thai standards.

While living in Thailand, I had to be very conscious of my feet. As a westerner, not particularly worried about my feet, this was a learning experience--to learn how offensive it could be to point with my feet or to put my feet in the wrong place. I still remember getting chastised by a bus driver in Bangkok for putting my feet on an engine covering. (It really seemed like a nice place to plop them.)

There are other ways living in Thailand has affected me. Just yesterday, I was talking with a woman who talked very loudly throughout our whole conversation. I was amazed that I even noticed this, and that the way she talked made me feel like she was not very refined or educated. (I'm not sure I would have felt that way before Thailand.)

So many times in America the attitude is simply "It's a free country!I can do what I want" or "This is who I am, deal with it." This attitude covers a multitude of social sins.

Lynne Truss, in her book Talk to the Hand: The Utter Bloody Rudeness of the World Today, or Six Good Reasons to Stay Home and Bolt the Door argues that people are rude because they have lost the distinction of private and public space. She notes how people often act as if the world is their living room when it is not. It's an attitude that simply shuts out all other people.

I'm grateful to Thailand because the country taught me to be more thoughtful of others--to adjust my volume, my feet, and my attitude in the company of others. I'm not in this world alone--what I do does affect other people.

*This is not to say that we are social dolts in the states, but we don't value enough the kindness of courtesy.

I am the Marker Thief!

I recently noticed that the markers were disappearing out of the classroom I teach in. I was annoyed. I wondered, "Who keeps taking the markers? Why can't people just leave the markers in the classroom?"

I went back to my office after class and noticed that there were two markers sitting on my desk. I realized I was the marker thief!

I must have picked up the markers without much thought and brought them back to my office. (Yes, I do realize that this leaves me as qualified for the absent minded professor award.)

Jesus said, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" (Matt 7:3).

Slow Communication

I love letters, so it was great the other day to get a real letter. I want to write back my friend who wrote me, but I'm waiting until I have a good chunk of time to write a thoughtful response. Letter writing is a slower form of communication on several fronts: it will take me longer to find the time to write, it will take me longer to write the letter, and the letter could take several days to arrive.

Today I was thinking about how when it comes writing a letter the sender must trust the receiver's silence. That is that instead of getting feedback in a day or even an hour, it could be several days to even several weeks before my friend will get a response. We're not used to this extended form of communication anymore, and I think we've lost something for it.

Sometimes the last thing we need is instant communication. Sometimes a good day or two of sitting on a thought is wisdom. "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19).

Not only is it wisdom to deliberate over some of what we communicate, but slowing down communication teaches us to trust the silences--to allow a certain space in every relationship for quietness, to respect even our closest friends' privacy.

Giving room for privacy brings me to another point. America is a very public world. Telling everyone our secrets on TV or in a memoir is not only acceptable, but lauded as healthy--good therapy. While there are some secrets that are dangerous if kept, there are other secrets that should remain just that, knowledge privy to just a few or even one.

Emoticon Problems

The other night I got a text with what I thought was a smiley face. It was nice to get the smiley face, but I didn't respond to it as I was occupied when the text came in. Later I was talking to the person who had texted me and asking her how her week was. She said she'd had a rough Thursday, and wondered if I'd gotten her distressed emoticon text. "No," I told her, "My phone must have dropped that text." I went back and looked through her texts and found :S. She had texted me! I need to increase my emoticon EQ.

Talking or Listening

I recently told a friend that I had made some poor choices in spring by not making choices at all. I simply allowed a couple of negative circumstances to get me down. I ran across the following quote from a blog I've been reading of late (www.challies.com). The quote struck as the heart of my problem.
(The original source for the quote is Martyn Lloyd-Jones' Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cure.)

*******

The main trouble in this whole matter of spiritual depression in a sense is this, that we allow our self to talk to us instead of talking to our self. Am I just trying to be deliberately paradoxical? Far from it. This is the very essence of wisdom in this matter. Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them, but they start talking to you, they bring back the problem of yesterday, etc. Somebody is talking. Who is talking to you? Your self is talking to you. Now this man’s treatment was this; instead of allowing this self to talk to him, he starts talking to himself, ‘Why art thou cast down, O my soul?’ he asks. His soul had been repressing him, crushing him. So he stands up and says: ‘Self, listen for a moment, I will speak to you’. Do you know what I mean? If you do not, you have but little experience.

The main art in the matter of spiritual living is to know how to handle yourself. You have to take yourself in hand, you have to address yourself, preach to yourself, question yourself. You must say to your soul: ‘Why art thou cast down’-what business have you to be disquieted? You must turn on yourself, upbraid yourself, condemn yourself, exhort yourself, and say to yourself: ‘Hope thou in God’-instead of muttering in this depressed, unhappy way. And then you must go on to remind yourself of God, Who God is, and what God is and what God has done, and what God has pledged Himself to do. Then having done that, end on this great note: defy yourself, and defy other people, and defy the devil and the whole world, and say with this man: ‘I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance, who is also the health of my countenance and my God’.

Devotions & Dinosaurs

I adore my niece, but I find it almost impossible to have devotions when she is around. Whenever I'm at my sister's house, I lock my bedroom door until I'm done so she won't interrupt me. Last Christmas, I had done the usual locking-of-the-door, but my niece caught onto the fact that I was awake and pounded so persistently on the door that I couldn't help but let her in.

I told her she could come in on the condition that she stay quiet. She was very very good. She didn't say a word, not a sound came from her. She pulled out her toy dinasaours and proceeded to play with them on my Bible. Gotta love the girl. The pictures are below.






The picture she took of me.

Up, Up, and Away

I'm updating the pictures on this blog slowly (these pictures are from February). This is the last launch of of the space shuttle Discovery.

I ended up watching the launch quite by accident. I had offhandly told a colleague that I would spend a day at the beach just for fun. He responded with, "Don't you know that the shuttle is launching tomorrow?" So I ended up driving to Titusville, FL, which sits across the bay from Cape Canaveral to watch the launch. I got there at 11:00 am (the launch was planned for the late afternoon), and struggled to find parking. I finally parked in an empty lot near a vacant restaurant; it was one of those shady on the fly parking spots where you're not sure if the person you are giving your money to is actually the owner of the parking lot or just some crook making good on the absence of parking.

I parked, gathered my stuff and walked across the road to the "beach". It was more like a marina. I claimed my spot with a good view of the launch pad (okay, I imagined it was a good view of the launch pad). I had several hours to wait for the launch and nothing to do but read and eat strawberries (such is the difficult life I live!).
Those hours would have been perfect if I could have just subtracted the sun and a chain smoker upwind from me. (I would have moved away from her, but the place was crowded, and I feared losing my prime shuttle-watching real estate.)

Of course, I should have known that I had actually chosen the wrong place to sit since as the time of the launch grew closer a boat launch in front of me got so crowded with people that I couldn't see a thing. Hmph. I ended up wading out into the water and watching from there.

The shuttle launch was amazing. I loved standing out in the water with everyone else who waded out there too. I loved the sense of shared expectation and wonder. After constantly wondering when the big moment would arrive, I finally was able to see this little speck of light and then the plume of smoke growing underneath that light. As I watched the shuttle go up, I got goosebumps. I felt this mixture of awe, delight, and pride. What an amazing thing it was to see!

Then I was forced quickly back to reality when I got back to my car by the fact that it seemed like the whole state of Florida and half the country had come to the beach.
After traveling a whole three miles in one hour (it was so slow people were throwing footballs in the median while their friends inched by), I decided to stop somewhere to eat to wait out the traffic jam. I felt quite proud of this decision; well, that was until I had to go the opposite way of traffic to find a place to eat, and ended up backtracking those precious three miles that I had just gone.

I found a Japanese restaurant and ate there while watching the traffic move slower than a person could walk. I ate then whiled away the time calling my mom until my phone died, and then I had nothing better to do than go home. It took me another hour to retrace the three miles I had lost. After what seemed like eternity, I broke free from the pack and found a freeway free of traffic. I got home at 11 pm (6 hours after the launch). I was grateful for the 60 seconds of awe, grateful to have seen one of the last launches of the shuttles, grateful for a day off, and positive that the experience would not be repeated.

Passport

My passport has been relegated to file in my closet. This is a very very sad place for my passport to be. I've traveled (actually a lot this year): two trips to Georgia, a trip to Tennessee as well as a trip to Michigan, Maryland, and California, and now (maybe) a trip to Arizona. But it doesn't feel like traveling. I haven't left the country (gasp) in two years! I need stamp soon!

My Neighbor

I'm not fond of one of my upstairs neighbors, maybe it is because he yells an awful lot, or maybe it is because he's always loitering outside of his apartment on the phone. The other day I was coming home and had to walk right under where he usually sits on his front porch. He (shockingly) wasn't on the phone, and he said, "hello." I tipped my head back and said hello back. I asked him, "What's your name?" He said, "Jesus."

I had to laugh when he said his name, so Jesus lives upstairs. I hope I never forget that.

Walls

I don't like walls, emotional walls that is. I don't like feeling left out of a friend's life if that person is important to me. But recently, I heard something powerful about walls that gave me pause.

I heard an author (it was an audiobook) say, "Respect a person's wall. It is often there for a reason."* The author then explained how a person will put up a wall if he doesn't feel safe. My job is not to tear down a wall or to demand that someone let down his wall, but simply to show by my actions that I'm a safe person. In time, if I can show myself trustworthy the wall may come down.

The nice thing about this thought is it gives me something to do when I feel anxious about a friend's wall. I can direct my energy and prayers toward creating a safe environment. One of the simplest things I'm working on to create this environment is watching what I say. Every time I gossip or complain about someone, I create a wall between the person I gossip to and myself. How can a person trust me if I'm not in control of my own tongue?

Today I was struck with another thought about walls. I realized that I need to respect my own walls. I need to not feel obligated to trust a person right away. I can take my time in any relationship to observe a person before I trust her. Respecting my own walls but still remaining open to people stabilizes my relationships. Strangely enough, it is a form of trust. I trust a person to give me the leeway and time I need to let down my own walls.

The book I was listening to is called The DNA of Relationships.

A Day Off With God

I took Friday off this week. I decided to spend the day with God. For my day off with God, I focused on reading spiritual books, and I did a fruit fast (which was more like a fruit feast-- tons of lychees and mangoes!).



I had a very pleasant day. Much of time was spent reading on my bed. I have a fairly decent view from my room, so I felt a certain happiness reading and looking out my window. It rained part of the day which only added to the comfort and sweetness of my day.



I read two books: Wrestling with Angels: in the Grip of Jacob's God by Larry Lichtenwalter and Abide in Me: Our Lord's Supreme Invitation to the Believer by N.A. Woychuk. The first book gave me courage as I read about how God worked through Jacob's failures and weaknesses. The second book was a-hike-up into-a-mountain or jump-in-a-cold-lake-kind of book. The more I read it, the more refreshed and clear minded I felt.

Here are some quotes from it:

"Abide in Christ beloved, and let his words abide in you. Cling to Him. Strike fast to Him. Live the life of intimate fellowship with Him. Get closer and closer to Him. Roll every care and every burden upon Him" (9).

"To abide in Christ means to enjoy Him, to delight in Him, to love Him and to worship Him. To abide in Christ means to trust Him in every situation and to keep the mind and heart ever open before Him, and to have His word abiding in us. It involves walking in the light as He is in the light, and having a joyful readiness to do his will" (pgs.8,9).

"And now the Lord invites every believer to this celestial, sublime fellowhship with Himself personally: Abide in me and I in you! Life in such a communion with the Son of God disallows the presence of sin" (p.2).

"'Christians will abide in Christ' said Puritan John Brown, 'just in the degree in which they let Christ abide in them.' The abiding of His words in us is largely the means of His abiding in us. We have learned that 'I in you' is the same as 'my My Words in you.' This obviously means a great deal more than an intellectual acceptance of His word. It is something very different from reading a verse or two in the morning and forgetting all bout it the rest of the day, it is something far superior to coming in contact with the Bible truth on [Sabbath], and taking a little of it home with us. Having the word itself actually in our mind and heart, and our desires, our affections, our understanding, our will our whole being steeped in these great truths, so they hold sovereign sway in our life and control all our thoughts and all our movements (p.20).

"It is an unbroken stream of grace from justification through the various stages of sanctification to everlasting life, every new wave taking the place of an overwhelming work though not superseding or destroying the other. The Lord, the true vine has in Himself, as Teacher and Redeemer, all that we need. He means to teach us that He Himself, in His divine-human personality is the middle and the end of our spiritual life and fruit bearing" (Schaff qtd in Woychuk, p. 25,26).

"It is not enough that I turn away from myself with disgust, I must turn to Christ with delight" (p.28).

"This infinite love which permeates heaven now fills the life of the Christian who lives in communion with Christ" (p.29).

Las Vegas Sunset

These pictures are from December. I was traveling to California to visit my family for Christmas when I took them.

Just Enough Light

I recently came across a book in my local Christian bookstore called, Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On (by Stormie Omartian). I think the title of the book is enough. Sometimes that is all I need: just enough light for today.

Guarding Our Hearts

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23).

I think this text is most commonly used as a warning for singles to "guard their heart" from the wrong romantic partner or for married people to guard their relationship. Not bad advice, but if we left the text there we'd be remiss.

Guarding our heart is also about guarding our motivation, our passions, our drive.* What keeps us going from day to day? Are we guarding that? For example, last fall when I took on an teaching an extra writing class, I found that my life revolved around a never ending stack of papers--the constant grading withered my passion for teaching.

As much as is in our power to do, we need to make choices that keep us engaged in our lives. By taking time to rest, socialize, and exercise--we are guarding our hearts. By not letting life simply happen to us, we are guarding our hearts. By building a relationship with Christ, we are guarding our hearts.

Ultimately, it this relationship with Christ that guards our heart the best. "The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:7). Christ's presence and peace in our lives creates a powerful antidote for discouragement and it lays a foundation for living life well.

*I'll credit George McDonald's Ordering Your Private World for expanding this text.
(I highly recommend this book.)

Two for One

Recently, I was having a bad day. The little things were getting to me like the fact that I drove over a large curb in a parking lot and had a whole family stop their conversation to stare at me as I drove away (yes, people I'm fine; I meant to do that). Later in the day one of my friends called me. She told me she was having a bad day. I said, "Me too!" We commiserated some. I shared with her what was frustrating me about my day and vice versa, and by the time we hung up, both of us were laughing. I told her later, "This is what I love about friendship. You can combine two bad days to make one good day."

Yesterday's Adventure

I ended up in Kissimmee last night. I'm never on the Kissimmee side of town (it is southwest of Orlando; I live northeast of Orlando). But this is a very interesting place...it's where all the Disney tourists are. I went to a Walmart there and loved it! First off the Walmart was packed. I felt like I was back in TESCO-Lotus in Saraburi, all I needed was some really loud annoying Thai music and I would have felt 100 percent at home. Then the presence of all the tourists meant I heard accents from all over (British and New England or Canadian accents), and I heard languages from all over (Vietnamese, Hindi, and French--I'm guessing on the languages). But the best part was they sold food there that I wouldn't normally see in a grocery store. My favorite being Digestives from the UK. If you haven't had a Digestive (it sounds worse than it tastes), it is like a graham cracker but much much better; oh, and they sold Aerobars (mint chocolate with air bubbles in it).

I also stumbled across tamarind there. When I went to check out, the cashier said, "What is this?" I said, "tamarind". He said, "Is it a fruit or vegetable?" I said, "A fruit." He looked at his register, puzzled. So I spelled it out, it is spelled, "t-a-m-a-r-i-n-d". He typed it in but nothing came up. He handed me a chart with fruits and vegetable pictures on it and said, "Can you locate it on this chart?" (I felt like the tamarind was a suspect in a lineup.) I found the tamarind picture and showed it to him. Underneath the picture, it said, "tamarindo". I guess only Spanish speakers eat tamarind in Florida.

I had only gone into the Walmart to buy cake mix for a friend, but I walked out with a cart full of food. But now I know, if I ever crave British treats or tamarind I can make the long, 45 minute drive to Kissimmee.

A Sacred Calling in the Ordinary

I took a news writing class and I was assigned to work in a small group with Karen and Deeanne. Deeanne introduced me to Melissa, and Melissa introduced me to Grace; Grace introduced me to Shelly, and Shelly introduced me to Lavonne; Lavonne introduced me to Annelise, Leanne, and Ronni. All of these people are important friends to me, and yet they all came through the link of another friend. It is fun for me to consider how each person came into my life.

While I like thinking about how each person came into my life, it is as important to consider why they came into my life. I like to to think that people come into my life by divine commission. They were sent into my little world to teach me something, to give me joy, to challenge me to think, and because maybe, just maybe so I can give them back something as well. They were sent my way so that I can serve them in love.

My life is extraordinarily (if this is possible to combine these words) ordinary. I have many little tasks to accomplish and some days feel pretty similar, well, to other days. But in the midst of this extraordinary ordinariness I'm answering a sacred calling to love those nearest to me.

Thinking about Love

I like thinking about love, not necessarily romantic love, though that is fun to think about as well. I like thinking about how to love people.

I was reading earlier today that an author of a book called More Than Good Intentions signs his book, Heart + Mind = Good Giving. I think the same can be said of love. It's easy to think that just because I like someone that loving that person well will just flow naturally out of me (and yes in some ways it does), but loving a person well takes a lot more than just having nice feelings about an individual; I need my heart combined with my mind to love well.

I need to think about a person's needs, interest, history, comfort, mood. Some days it is nice to connect with a friend through a good conversation, but other days, well, a game of volleyball would be just as nice. Sometimes a friend needs a lot and sometimes a friend doesn't need much at all.

So how do I love well? I enage my heart, and I engage my mind. I watch to see how best I can show kindness, but ultimately, there's much I don't know about the people I interact with. This loss of knowing means that I pray much too.

This morning I knew I would see a friend, and so as I thought about her as I was getting ready for the day--I prayed, "Lord, give me your wisdom to love ___________ in just the ways she needs to be loved today."

I didn't see my friend for as long as I expected, and the only thing I ended up really communicating with her was a silly story about how I accidently spat toothpaste on my mom's arm (my mom reached across the sink just as I was spitting--the timing was impeccable!). But maybe that is all she needed today, a silly story about toothpaste.

A Thought On Time Management

Here's a great thought on time management that I got from another blog by Douglas Wilson, Blog & Mablog:

"The point is fruitfulness, not efficiency. You should want to be fruitful like a tree, not efficient like a machine.

But this fruitfulness is a function of God's blessing, and it is surrendered work that is blessed work. Seek that blessing, and seek it through concrete surrender. Such surrenders are not abstract. Put your Isaacs on the altar. Every interruption is a chance to surrender your work to the only one who can bless your work, particularly when the interruptions come from your kid wanting to play catch.

We can see the principle with the sabbath and the tithe. Less blessed is more than more unblessed. 90% blessed goes farther than 100% unblessed. 6 days blessed are far more fruitful than 7 days unblessed."

You can read the rest of the article at:

http://www.dougwils.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=8681%3Aseven-thoughts-on-time-management&catid=62%3Agrace-and-peace



I was thinking about what Douglas Wilson said this morning. I was also thinking of one of my favorite texts.

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked.... But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by the streams of water, which yields its fruit in season" (Psalms 1: 1-3).

I want fruitfulness at work, and I want fruitfulness in my life as well. I pray to be a Psalms 1 kind of person. I long have my roots sunk deep in the word of God so that I may bear rich, mature fruit in season.

What is Florida?

I told a friend recently that I'd moved back to the south. She said, "You didn't move back to the South; you moved to Florida." I disagreed with her a little. Florida has its share of "southernness". Hey, I get to hear a southern accent on occasion, and feel amazed at strange things like steer horns glued to the top of a truck cab (really?). But what is Florida? Is it a province of Canada? I heard that there were so many Canadian retirees down here that there used to be a branch of the Canadian government pension fund in Florida. Is it a county in New York? I can't tell you how many people I run into here that are from New York. Even people that immigrate from other countries did time in New York. I was talking to a man last night who was discussing quite wistfully his youth in Guyana, and then he said, as an aside, that he lived in New York for fourteen years before he moved here. Is Florida Latin America? I read an argument that Miami should be classed as a Latin American city. Then there is the strange fact that for the Seventh-day Adventist church the Inter-American Division, which covers countries like Guatemala, Belize, and Mexico, is headquartered in Miami.

I'm not sure how Florida can be classified, but I confess, it is growing on me. It's a large, unique state, and for now I'm calling it home even if I am from California.

Eagle's Wings

I stumbled upon this quote today while reading Andrew Murray's Waiting on God. It must be shared!

"Yes, 'they shall mount up with wings as eagles.' You know what eagles' wings mean. The eagle is the king of birds, it soars the highest into the Heavens. Believers are to live a heavenly life, in the very presence and love and joy of God. They are to live where God lives; they need God's strength to rise there. To them that wait on Him it shall be given.

You know how the eagles' wings are obtained. Only in one way–by the eagle birth.
You are born of God. You have the eagles' wings. You may not have known it; you may not have used them; but God can and will teach you to use them.

You know how the eagles are taught the use of their wings. See yonder cliff rising a thousand feet out of the sea. See high up a ledge on the rock, where there is an eagle's nest with it treasure of two young eaglets. See the mother bird come and stirs up her nest, and with her beak push the timid birds over the precipice. See how they flutter and fall and sink toward the depth. See now how she 'fluttereth over her young, spreadeth abroad her wings, taketh them, beareth them on her wings'(Deut. 32:11), and so, as they ride upon her wings, brings them to a place of safety. And so she does once and again, each time casting them out over the precipice, and then again taking and carrying them. 'So the Lord alone did lead him.' Yes, the instinct of that eagle mother was God's gift, a single ray of that love in which the Almighty trains His people to mount as on eagles' wings.

He stirs up your nest. He disappoints your hopes. He brings down your confidence. He makes you fear and tremble, as all your strength fails, and you feel utterly weary and helpless. And all the while He is spreading His strong wings for you to rest your weakness on, and offering His everlasting Creator-strength to work in you. And all He asks is that you should sink down in your weariness and wait on Him; and allow Him in his Jehoavah-strength to carry as you ride upon the wings His omnipotence.

Dear child of God, I pray you, lift up your eyes, and behold your God! Listen to Him who says that He "fainteth not, neither is weary," who promises that you too shall not faint or be weary, who asks nought but this one thing, that you should wait on Him. And let your answer be, With such a God, so mighty, so faithful, so tender,
My soul, wait thou only upon God!

from Waiting on God by Andrew Murray, p. 92,93

Sweet Holiness

"Holiness is a most beautiful and lovely thing. We drink in strange notions of holiness from our childhood, as if it were a melancholy, morose, sour and unpleasant thing; but there is nothing in it but what is sweet and ravishingly lovely." Jonathan Edwards

Quote taken from Seeking Him: Experiencing the Joy of Personal Revival

On Speaking Terms

"2
Mexico
Number of people who speak the indigenous Ayapaneco tongue; the two are not on speaking terms" (18).

I read this in Time today and couldn't help but laugh. This short statement aptly descripes so many of our problems.

Mango Kindness

My colleague dropped off fourteen mangoes at my office on Tuesday. He did this all because I mentioned how much I missed mangoes, good mangoes that is.

I couldn't possibly eat fourteen mangoes before they went bad, so I dropped off a handful at a friend's apartment and then gave some to my housemate.

It's a small thing: a crateful of mangoes. But there is a lesson here, when God gives blessings, the blessings are so overwhelming that they spill into the lives of the people around us. Here's then another reason to pray to be blessed.

Lord, bless me and make my blessings so large that they spill into the lives of all the people I come in contact with.

Instant Stress Relief

Here's a recipe for stress relief. It's very simple:have a massive storm blow through with such high gusts (80 mph in some places) of wind that the electricity is knocked out. Yes, that's what happened last night. My shoulders were tense coming home from work as I thought about all the papers I desperately wanted to grade before I left on my alumni weekend trip, but when I got home the electricity was out. Kapoot. I did some work on my laptop, but my grading plans were completely thwarted by my incapacity to grade by candlelight and my one dying flashlight. Instead I was forced to sit in a mostly dark house with tons of tea candles; then I had nothing better to do, so I went to bed early (gasp). While I can't say this storm was an overwhelming blessing for Central Florida, it sure made my evening! There's nothing like weather to put me in my place. Sometimes God uses storms to make us rest.

Not Holier, Just Weaker

A friend once implied that I was being a bit self-righteous when I declined watching a certain movie with her. I don't remember what I told her then, but what I wanted to say is "You don't get it. I'm not holier than you. I'm just weaker."

The Sound Books Make

Yesterday my friend from the satisfying buttons post ran into me at the library. I was browsing some books for sale and he started looking at the books with me. Then he told me, "Did you know that different books have different sounds?" He proceeded to tap the spine of each book and we listened intently to the sound each book made. He then commented that the tone of the books we were looking at was not particularly enjoyable. He had heard finer sounding books.

He also discussed how different book covers (matte vs. non-matte) had different levels of enjoyability based on their sound and texture.

H., I don't know if you read my blog, but if you do, thank you for adding your joyful creative perspective to my world. :)

A Satisfying Afternoon

I spent the morning having a breakfast with a friend then playing ultimate frisbee with a ministry group called Witness for Fitness. It wasn't a bad way to spend a Sunday morning, but I had great plans to come home and spend the rest of the afternoon grading papers. Before I started to grade, I decided I would clean up some. It's 8:30 pm and I haven't even touched the essays I was supposed to grade. And yet, I've had one of the most soul refreshing days that I've had in weeks.

And this is what made the afternoon so satisfying: I cleaned, I prayed, and I read. The smell of laundry, a slightly more organized closet, authors who made me laugh and think, and the simple closeness of God that came from solitude shared with him refreshed me.

So in the end, I'm grateful for this unplanned afternoon.

The Satisfying Buttons

I have a friend here who I've decided the main reason we are friends is that he sees the world just a little differently and I (ummmmm) so get that.

The other day he was sitting in my car telling me that the hazards button was the most satisfying of all the buttons on my dashboard. He demonstrated this by pushing it in--it went in all the way. He then proceeded to tell me that the aircon button was moderately satisfying (it went in a little), but the radio buttons were the least satisfying as he could only press them in a tiny bit.

So next time you are in your car, check out the dashboard and see which buttons are the most satisfying.

Another Note on Language

For the most part I know what English words we used in Thailand that we don't use here.

I know we invigilated there and proctor here. I know we revised our lessons there and review here. We never "go first here". And no one ever says "can" for yes. But recently I was saying something about the aircon and I got laughed at. What aircon isn't American English? I guess it's A/C. Good old A/C.

Do Not Shoot Me an Email

I like getting emails, but please refrain from "shooting" me an email. I don't know. I left the country for five years (this, by the way, is my excuse for everything), and while I was gone people started shooting each other emails. Ouch, it sounds so dangerous!

On the other hand, or as some ESL students might say--in the other hand, I like how people clip avenue and actually pronounce the abbreviation. I don't know if the clipping started before or after I left, but I love how it sounds. Just the other day someone said, "Oh, so it's on Orange AVE", and my little word loving heart skipped a beat.

Busy Blessings

I had a friend who once told me something about math that I felt was good way to look at life. When his students asked him if math was fun. He said, "Math isn't always fun, but it is rewarding."

My blessings (a good job and a ministry) are like that. My blessings keep me busy. I sometimes want the "fun" of being able to linger in bed, have full weekends with nothing to do, or not stay in the office late, but on the other hand I love the sense of satisfaction, meaning, and joy that comes as a direct result of my busyness.

I'm not advocating overwork. In fact, I'm looking at ways to schedule more times for doing important things like sitting on the beach all day or long meandering drives around Florida, but I'm grateful--grateful to God to be so busily blessed.

Extra Credit Competitions

Most of the people who read this blog are teachers or former teachers so I don't think you'll mind if I share a small activity that I use to reinforce what I'm teaching.

For key concepts I want my students to remember, I hold extra credit contests. (Usually I'll do this after a lecture.) I break the students into small groups and ask them to develop their own definition of the concept that I had just talked about. After collecting their definitions, I type up the three best definitions into my PowerPoint presentation and share them with the class. (The students with the best definitions get 2 points extra credit points.)

Not only are students forced to restate what they have learned, but then they get to see several different definitions of the same topic.

A small variation I do on this activity is to have students vote on what they think are the top definitions. This involves a lot more typing since I have to type up all the definitions, but it can be a lot of fun with different students promising to vote for each other.

Julie Moments

My friends call them "Julie moments". From when they have said "that was a Julie moment",I take it to mean that it is usually when something awkward, random, or embarrassing happens to me. I suppose these happen at a higher frequency in my life so that is why they get a special label.

Well, I had a "Julie-moment" the other day at a Thai restaurant. My friend was talking about guys. She was saying, "I hope the man I marry understands how clumsy I am." While nodding my head in agreement, I managed to angle my fork in just the right direction so that most of the food from it landed on my lap.

For shame, I didn't want her point proven that fast.

No sea, No visas

A friend of mine is most likely (still praying, hoping for a miracle!!) leaving the country because of a problem with her visa. Last night we were discussing different visa options and I said, "Isn't there a 'we love you and want you to stay' visa?

(What if immigration was kind of a "Survival" show set up. You get voted on or off the island? I know my friend would definitely be voted to stay on!)

There's a great text in the Bible that a different friend, Ruth, quoted a part of to me last night: "Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth,for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea" (Revelation 21:1).

I can't wait to be in that new place: where there is no sea, no visas, and no more goodbyes.

Mine!

It's hard to share when you are four. Other kids take your toys when you want to keep them. Your uncles or aunts sleep in your bedroom and you kicked out. You have so little control over so little things,and then (gasp) the best day of your year gets taken by your aunt. You see, my niece had a problem sharing something with me this year. My sister asked her to wish me a happy birthday, but she refused. "No," she said, "It's my birthday!"

It's hard to share. It's hard to share when you are four, when you can't see that some spaces are better shared--that sharing (more often than not) enriches instead of diminishes. That the best things in life: joy, friendship, ministry, money, food (!) are all made sweeter by sharing.

I love sharing a birthday with my niece (she's the best present ever), and I look forward to when she can love it too!

Two Dreams

Sunday night I dreamt I had volunteered to teach in the Marshall Islands. I was walking around the island when I realized that I didn't want to be there and that it had been a mistake to commit myself to a year of teaching in Majuro. In my dream, I realized that I had to either tell my boss that I wanted to quit or to just grin and bear another year there. I woke up and felt a great sense of relief.

Monday night I dreamt that I had volunteered to teach in a remote village in Thailand. The village was so remote that no regular public transportation came through the village and I had to either run to town or catch a ride with my supervisors. As my time progressed in this remote village, I realized that it had been a mistake to volunteer to work there and I desperately wanted to go back to Florida. Again, I woke up relieved.

I don't think that my dreams were prophetic, but they did remind me of this simple thing: sometimes it is a gift to wake up and be exactly where you are.

Time

It's cold in Florida (okay, it's cold in Florida for Floridians, 38 F, 3 C). This morning there was ice on the boardwalk around the lake I exercise at. The beauty of the place and the events of this week made me meditate on time.

There is a certain preciousness to time, but I take time for granted. I feel infinite though I know I am finite. The world it seems could move leisurely by,but then something happens, a phone call comes, something changes,and I'm reminded of the temporality of all things. There is much beauty in life, and it is made sharper by the possibility of loss.



Sunrise this morning

Puppy Love

English is useless when it comes to expressing love in a nuanced way. I wish there was a specific "love" word for all the varities of love: friendship love, romantic love,or family love. Recently, I have been wishing for a "love" word for animals. You see I've fallen in love with a dog. I have a case of puppy love. I met this dog while volunteering for a community service painting project in November. I was painting the door frame of a the room that Ginger was put in while we worked on the house. I was up on a step ladder painting when Ginger took a bone, held it in her mouth, and sat as close to the door frame as possible and whined. I think she was saying, "I have my toy now, why don't we go out and play?"

It just so happens that Ginger's owner attends the same church as me. I'm sorely tempted to ask him if I can borrow his dog for a day.

PS I wrote this because Ginger's owner posted a comment about her on Facebook. He just told me that Ginger has a profile and I can friend her. Yay!

Each Joy

Each joy has its own unique DNA. Yesterday I was reminded once again of a small joy I have here in Orlando. It comes from interacting with the students from our Circle of Faith (COF)Bible study. We had finished the Bible study and we were singing. As I sang with the group, I thought about how the taste of joy I get from singing with my students in Orlando is not the same as the joy I got from living and working in Thailand. I have two joys, two continents, two different lives and yet one thing to be profoundly grateful for: I serve a God of joy.

The Week

Pass me not, O gentle Savior,
Hear my humble cry;
While on others Thou art calling,
Do not pass me by.

Refrain

Savior, Savior,
Hear my humble cry;
While on others Thou art calling,
Do not pass me by.

This is the song I listened to on repeat coming home from vespers tonight. It's a good song. A song that drips peace into my heart.

It's the end of a busy week. It was a good hard discouraging and encouraging week. I had a good start with my classes (Yay for engaged students!), but I was sick. Sickness plus a little bit of the devil trying to kick sand in my face (he likes to make me think that I will always have the same struggles) made me a little discouraged. But Thursday night the simplest gift lifted my spirit. I met a friend at a bookstore to tutor him on writing essay exams for the TOEFL. It was such a pleasure to use a skill I have to help a friend that my mood picked up exponentially. Then, while he was doing some writing, I wandered around the bookstore and picked up a book that looked interesting. As I skimmed it, I came across a sentence that seemed to answer a question I've struggled with for awhile. The answer fit into a wider picture of a small emotional journey that I have been on since I came to Florida. And I was simply reminded there of two things: God is leading me and there is much hope for my life.

Hope is a powerful thing. The difference between feeling like "I'm stuck" and "there's much possibility of growth" is the difference between dragging myself through the day and bouncing (yes, I bounce)through the day.

The Middle

The rain came down hard but there was only one umbrella to share between my aunts, my mom, my grandparents, and myself. Since I was small (around 5 years old at the time), they stuck me in the middle. I looked up at them and using brilliant kid logic told them that they should join me in the warmest driest place under the umbrella--the middle.

I've started to read a book by Ty Gibson called A God Named Desire. In one of the first chapters he draws a diagram of what the relationships in heaven might look like. Instead of a hiearchy he draws a circle: God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit form a circle with every member of the universe branching out from that circle.

Monday morning I as I prayed I realized that I typically pray to either Jesus or to God so I decided to pray to Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit at once. As I prayed the image from Ty's book came to my mind. I imagined the Trinity in a huddle. I realized that as I addressed all three of them that I was in the middle of their love.

Dare to be a Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego

I grew up singing, "Dare to be a Daniel. Dare to stand alone." I love that song. But recently I was thinking about how sometimes I need a different dare. I need to dare to stand with others. This comes partially out of my own spiritual experience. I consciously gave my life to Christ when I was seven years old and with the exception of a couple prodigal seasons have stayed in a committed to relationship with Him since. This means I've been "different" almost my whole life. As a child I got teased for being a goody two-shoe, as a teen I had to skip out on some parties my friends attended, as a college student I had to look unintelligent because I didn't embrace all the ideas that many of my peers did. Being different my whole life has made me very independent. And while this sounds very spiritual and very much in line with "daring to be a Daniel"*, it also means that I habitually live my walk with God alone.

I don't reach out if I'm struggling spiritually. If I'm overwhelmed, I simply withdraw the way a sick cat might go and hide under a house. My attitude often is "I've done this long enough alone. I can keep doing it alone." And yet the Bible is full of admonition to not "go alone".

Here are just two texts:

"And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching" (Hebrews 10:24). "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed" (James 5:16).

This year I've made small steps to not "going at God alone." In fact, if there is any moment I should be proud of in 2010 it is a night when I was feeling basically cornered by the devil. I texted a friend, "Please pray for me! I feel like I'm fighting hand to hand combat with the devil." Knowing that my friend was praying for me and hearing from her the next day was a powerful antidote to my struggle.

The funny thing about the line "Dare to be a Daniel/Dare to stand alone" is that he wasn't standing alone. He stood with his friends Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego.


*I should add I've been a very meek and mild Daniel. I "stood" up so quietly for my beliefs that I'm not sure anyone noticed.

**The song "Dare to Be a Daniel" actually does say that when we stand alone we are joining Daniel's band.

What God Might Not Know

What if there is knowledge that God might not have? Recently, I was thinking about how God knows us. The Bible says He can count the hairs on our head. That's pretty amazing knowledge! But what if there are things that God can't know unless we share it with Him? What I mean by this is that God profoundly (and I might add, painfully) respects our choices. Not only does He not demand worship from us, but he does not demand intimacy with us. What if He can know us--know every detail of our life, know exactly how we feel, know what drives us, know what hurts us, know what brings us joy--and still not know us?

The imperfect comparison I can make is how we sometimes talk about God. We say, "yes, I had a head knowledge of God but not a heart knowledge." What if God can have a head knowledge of us but not a heart knowledge?

If God cannot have heart knowledge of our lives unless we open ourselves to Him, then all the passages of scripture about prayer take on new meaning. People often ask, "Why should I pray? God knows anyway?" But what if prayer is the place where God is given permission to start knowing us. What if prayer is the first step in allowing God the intimacy He longs for in our lives?