Walls

I don't like walls, emotional walls that is. I don't like feeling left out of a friend's life if that person is important to me. But recently, I heard something powerful about walls that gave me pause.

I heard an author (it was an audiobook) say, "Respect a person's wall. It is often there for a reason."* The author then explained how a person will put up a wall if he doesn't feel safe. My job is not to tear down a wall or to demand that someone let down his wall, but simply to show by my actions that I'm a safe person. In time, if I can show myself trustworthy the wall may come down.

The nice thing about this thought is it gives me something to do when I feel anxious about a friend's wall. I can direct my energy and prayers toward creating a safe environment. One of the simplest things I'm working on to create this environment is watching what I say. Every time I gossip or complain about someone, I create a wall between the person I gossip to and myself. How can a person trust me if I'm not in control of my own tongue?

Today I was struck with another thought about walls. I realized that I need to respect my own walls. I need to not feel obligated to trust a person right away. I can take my time in any relationship to observe a person before I trust her. Respecting my own walls but still remaining open to people stabilizes my relationships. Strangely enough, it is a form of trust. I trust a person to give me the leeway and time I need to let down my own walls.

The book I was listening to is called The DNA of Relationships.