Musings on Self-Sacrifice

Tonight the pastor of my church spoke about John the Baptist. John the Baptist is one of the most amazing characters in the Bible. He gave so much of himself and really received so little a reward from an earthly perspective. The part of John the Baptist's story that moves me the most is when his disciples complain to him that Jesus was stealing John's followers. John responds, "He must become greater; I must become less" (John 3:30).

John makes me think of another favorite character in the Bible: Jonathan. Jonathan had nothing to to gain from his friendship with David. In fact, Jonathan, in essence, befriended his rival. How many of us would befriend a person we knew would make us lose our job? (It makes me wonder if David's love for Jonathan took this into account. David knew the cost that Jonathan paid for friendship with him.)

These are male examples of self-sacrifice. From what I understand about men, success and reputation are key components of their self-esteem. It's difficult for Christian men not to compare their ministries (at least that's the word on the street from my pastor dad). I won't deny that success at work isn't important to women. Yet I don't think we invest as much in our success as men. John and Jonathan sacrificed their core hungers (honor) for someone they loved. What might women sacrifice? The answer, I think, is relationships. Could we ever sacrifice a relationship (or our stake in a relationship) because of love?

Let me illustrate. Years ago when I was becoming friends with one of my best friends now, Melissa, I remember having a conversation with her best friend, Monique. Monique said about my friendship with Melissa, "The heart can only get bigger." I was shocked. Monique was generous in an area of life that is profoundly difficult to be generous in: relationships. Other women might have felt jealous or protective of their best friend but not Monique; she welcomed my friendship with Melissa. (An act, by the way, that earned her my undying loyalty and love.)


I want to be like John. I want to be like Jonathan. I want to be like Monique. I want to be generous with my reputation, my career, and my friendships.

Ultimately, I want to be like Christ who "Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped" (Philippians 2:6) and who "laid down his life for his friends" (John 15:13).