I've had very little time to grieve leaving Thailand since I've come back to the states. I've been either a) working hard on job applications b) spending much needed time with family c) helping my friend get married (wahoo on the last!). The whole month of June has flown by. Then on Saturday saying goodbye caught up with me. At (I might add) a really awkward moment. During my friend's rehearsal dinner, I chatted with a woman who had lived in Singapore for fifteen years. She used to work at SAUC and she even taught some of the same classes I taught at MC. In the middle of her telling me about her time at SAUC, my eyes started to water. I had that horrible--oh-no-I'm-going-to-cry feeling. I fought very hard not to cry. (I didn't know this lady and the thought of explaining to her why her story about teaching news writing at SAUC made me cry seemed a bit difficult.) I didn't cry in the end. Whew. But after my friend's wedding (the next day) when I no longer had other things to focus on I had a good hearty cry on my drive to my sister's house.
I'm finally home tonight. I am grateful for two gifts. One is a poster I found that I made in 2001 of my life experiences. (It was for a class.) I find looking at the pictures comforting. Yeah, look, I did have a life before Thailand. :) Then I also found a poem I wrote in 1998. I wrote it when I was leaving another country (Marshall Islands). It seemed especially apropos to my life right now. The poem comes out of a time I sat on a dock at night watching the water. So here it is:
On The Dock
I am cold tonight
Lend me your light
I am alone
Come near me
I have left
All that I love
And I face this water
Of uncertainty
Dark waters
Stretch before me
But for one
Sliver of your moonlight
I would despair
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4 comments:
I'm glad you're grieving . . . it's healthy, you know! I haven't fully grieved your leaving yet, as I'm not there, but I know I will be once we return. You are in my prayers!
Thanks Laura, that's what I have been telling myself. I wasn't even sure I should have posted the last post but then I thought...well, grieving is natural so it's okay to share. I appreciate your prayers.
I guess that's what we all need to do- and usually we're so busy when we arrive at a new place, that we don't have time to grieve. I'm glad you were able to. I just know I'll be going through that in a year or more - oh no!! I'm kind of hoping I can just settle down in a place for a long, long time, to avoid all that grief for a while! :-)
No kidding Marlise. Settling is good! I was thinking today. "Is it worse to be in the states missing Thailand or in Thailand missing the states?" Oh, the traveler's conundrum.
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