In some cultures people will name their kids horrible names to throw off the gods. So a kid might end up with a name like Not-Pretty-Face or Stinky-Snot-Nosed-One. This is so the gods will not suspect that the kids are actually beautiful or cherished. I might laugh at this (really, could gods be so stupid?) but I understand the spirit of it.
How comfortable am I with my own desires? Why is it that if I really want something that I feel that I must pretend that I don't want it? It is better this way. Don't let the "gods" know that I want X job. Don't let the "gods" know that I would love to date X fellow. If I can just stuff my desires down and hide them deep then maybe just maybe I'll get what I want.
But the funny thing is. I don't serve a god; I serve God. And the longer I live the more I think that God is not scared of my desires. I do think that God has a plan and a will and dreams for my life, but I also think that He engages in a dance with my own desires. This dance is called prayer.
I'm writing this because this morning I woke up and and the first thing I said was, "Lord, now that I know what I want are you going to leave me here to struggle to get this on my own?" I started to laugh at myself. Why would God be with me more when I was clueless than when I knew what I wanted? Why does knowing what I want make me so vulnerable now? Why does it almost seem wrong to have a dream, a passion, an aim?
Many old paintings of Christ in American culture portrayed him as effeminate, white, washed out, and tepid. It's easy to think that mildness is holiness. We think not wanting anything will make us really good people. "No, it's okay, I didn't really want that anyways." But what if we are wrong? What if God has called us to dream? To live, to risk? To venture out and make mistakes? What if He simply loves our desires?
Father, be the God of my desires. Give me the courage to dream. Thank you that you know what I want and that we are on this adventure together.
PS I offer only one caveat. There are some desires that will harm us (whether they are expressly forbidden in the Bible or whether their fulfillment leads us away from God). When it comes to those desires, I think God is gracious and will replace them with other gifts and other passions.
4 comments:
When are you going to write a book? . . . You really make a lot of thought-provoking blogs. . . . Still pondering. :)
Thanks Kristen. Oh, someday soon. I have a couple title in my mind. Actually, when I speak of desires--that is one of those desires! To be in a place where I can write.
Thank you, Julie. Thank you.
PS - I will buy your book. Seriously. And let me know if you need someone to design the cover, hehe!
Definitely Deanna, I'll be calling you. :) You should be proud; I saw a book cover the other day that I liked so much I tried to find the artist who designed. I thought the least I could do was know the person's name.
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