Helplessness Before God

I'm quoting someone quoting someone else hence I cannot give credit to the author, but I heard this the other day and loved it:

"Prayer is helplessness before God."

In my reading of Ellen White (I'm attempting to read all the Testimonies to the Church), I came across a description of the good shepherd. She said that Jesus pulls the sheep close to his heart to warm it. So of late when I've been praying, I don't just pray. I imagine myself as a lamb pulled up close to Christ's heart. "This is where I want to be Lord! Right here, next to you."

Link to The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness

I enjoyed reading The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness. The title is what caught my attention.

The Good News in the Bad News

Sometimes in my reading I come across something that moves me to joy. This is a passage that does just that..."

"This profound awareness of innate sinfulness is not some obscure theological point or an example of religious fervor gone to seed. A great awareness of one's sinfulness often stands side by side with great joy and confidence in God. The same Paul who could call himself the foremost of sinners could exult two verses later, "To the King of ages, immortal, invisble, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen" (1 Timothy 1:17).

"It is a theme that also resonates through the Psalms. In Psalms 40 we see rejoicing in the Lord and lamentation over sin side by side.

'As for you, O Lord, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me! For evils have encompassed me beyond number; my inquities have overtaken me, and I cannot see; they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me.'

"What's going on here? Is this some kind of bipolar spirituality at work? By no means! It is the joy of salvation breaking through, despite life in a fallen world and a heart still fighting against sin. It is reality as seen through biblical truth.

"This reality is very different from what we're usually up to our necks in--that slick, shiny, false reality of an affluent, comfort-driven society obsessed with self-esteem. Instead, This reality sends us to the Savior, who brings God's holiness and mercy together on the cross.

......

"So this sin--my sin and yours--is supremely ugly. It is vile. It is wicked. But at the same time it is the backdrop to a larger drama. We may be works in progress who are painfully prone to sin, yet we can be joyful works, for--thanks be to God--we have been redeemed by grace through the death and resurrection of Christ. Our Savior has come to rescue us from the penalty of sin and grant us an abundant life by his Spirit p.37,38

When Sinners Say, "I do" by Dave Harvey

Today

This first thing I saw this morning when I opened my eyes were two little kids (my niece and nephew, 8 & 6 years old respectively) looking at me. They had been waiting for me to wake up. I don't know for how long, but their patience made me laugh.

I'm visiting my brother, his wife, and kids this weekend. This is a small blessing, a little break for the ordinary.

Today went extraordinary fast. I spent the morning shopping for a birthday present for my niece, then the afternoon whittling with my nephew (no one whittles these days!), now I'm heading to bed.

My niece will be getting baptized tomorrow. Kids grow up so fast!

Simple Day

Today I went for a walk, went to Target, ate at Heber's Cuban Cafe (I love their vegetarian Cuban sandwiches), went to Bed, Bath & Beyond (that store is amazing), washed my car, vacuumed my car, went to the mechanics to get my timing belt checked, waxed my car, shined the car wheels, ate waffles and blueberries for super, went with a friend to prayer meeting, went shopping and had a nice conversation with the same friend, and now it's time for me to go to bed. I love the satisfaction of a simple day. (I'm on spring break hence the luxury of this simple day.)

Joyful Prayer

Intercessory prayer can, in my life, take several forms. One way I pray is a kind of casual "Lord bless ________" and "Bless _____________". I've also spent time really getting down to what the needs of the person I'm praying for are.

Recently, I was struck that intercessory prayer while it is often serious can also be joyful. As I pray for people, I'm joyful because I know that there is no other real solution for them than Christ--and just the simple act of praying Christ's spirit into their lives is a step in the right direction. It's joyful because I can trust that God is working in my life and my friends' life, and it's exciting to see what He can and will do for us.

These Blessings

I have a floor to sit on with a floor heater turned on (even though it's 75 degrees in my house). I have a bookshelf full of books (some tipped to the left because I pulled out their neighbors and neglected to replace them), I have a messy room because my ritual Friday-before-Sabbath-starts cleaning was scuttled for a long drive to I-Drive to pick up a visitor I met at church who got stranded at a store because she was too far from her motel room to walk back and did not enough cash to pay a taxi to get back.

I have cicadas outside humming their long notes. I have a chance to choose to be here, present in Orlando, in my life right now (I never left, but I needed to choose to stay). I have ideas to explore; I have friendships to nurture and grow. I have people to connect and potlucks to attend. And books to read, did I say that already? It's worth saying again--BOOKS to read.

I have God's forgiveness that is far as the east is from the west. I have a God who names me what I will be and not what I am (see John 1:42), who loves to love me, who is teaching me and knows what is best "whether hunger or bread" for my life.

These are my blessings.

Vindication

What if the subtlest temptation is vindication? Here's the scenario that has happened (gulp) more than once with me this month. Someone has done something that has upset me, so I want to go to my coworkers or friends and describe the situation then have them kindly concur that I was right so I can feel better about myself. Sometimes I'm wrong (like last time this happened), and sometimes I'm pretty sure I'm right (like in my current situation), but I wonder if it really doesn't matter if I'm right or wrong--that learning the grace to let go of the need to vindicate my own ego is more important than the satisfaction of people reassuring me that I'm good person.

Stop Asking for Help

The title for the sermon today was "Change Your Prayer". The preacher, an Elder Joel Tompkin, told about how his father, when he became a Christian gave up gambling, womanizing, and drinking, but he couldn't quit smoking no matter how hard he tried. For the longest time his father prayed, "Lord, help me to quit smoking". But nothing came of it. Finally he prayed, "Lord, I'm helpless" and that's when the temptation to smoke lost its power over him.

Then the preacher focused on the following story:

"So He asked his father, 'How long has this been happening to him?' And he said, 'From childhood. And often he has thrown him both into the fire and into the water to destroy him. But if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.' Jesus said to him, 'If you can believe,[a] all things are possible to him who believes.' Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, 'Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!'” (Mark 9:21-24).

The man had to change his prayer. We have to change our prayer. We need to stop praying, "Lord help me" prayers and start praying, "Lord I'm helpless" prayers. The preacher said, "I'm convinced that the 'Lord help me prayers' often go unanswered, but [God] cannot pass, 'Lord, I'm helpless' prayers."

Nothing New

People like to ask me, "So what's new?" For some reason, that question always leaves me with nothing to say. In fact, I panic a little because I feel like I should have a new experience to share like "Oh, yes, I went to Paris last week." But really, most of my days look about the same. Catch me on February 28 or catch me on March 13 and well there wouldn't be much to differientiate between those days.

I'm in a season of my life right now called the ordinary--it's not a bad place to be in. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'll have days years from now when I'll long for this season--but it doesn't provide a lot of fodder for conversation.

So what I wish I could be asked instead of "what's new?" is "what books have you been reading lately?" "what did you learn this week?" Or even, "What was your favorite meal this month?" These are the new things in my life: common, ordinary, and sweet these gifts, but treasured still the same.

The Ultimate Prayer

I've decided that my ultimate prayer is this: "Lord I believe, help my unbelief" (Mark 9:24).

This prayer has taken the following forms in my life:

Lord, I forgive help my unforgiveness.

I remember being so angry/hurt/bitter toward a friend that I had to wake up every day for months praying, "Lord, I choose to forgive ______________. Give me the strength to forgive again." The feeling of forgiveness didn't catch up with the choice for awhile, but eventually the bitterness I felt simply disappeared. And what a sweet gift that was!


Lord, I don't feel guilty, please help me feel guilty.

It might seem strange to pray for guilt since I spend a great deal of my life trying to pray to be released from guilt. However, my guilt sensor is off. I feel guilty for the wrong things (oh, not going to the coworker's daughter's wedding after getting an invite), and not guilty for the right things (ummm blatant obvious not-gray-area-sin). So I pray for guilt (conviction) because when I can logically see that what I'm doing is wrong, I want to make sure that my heart follows along too!

Peace

"You got your peace back." My college friend's words still echo in my head. Peace is so important. This week I lost a little of my peace. I was "off" for part of the week and then last night after talking with a good friend (mostly complaining to her), I realized why I was off; I had chosen not to surrender an area of my life to God.

"No," I got this one God, "I don't want you to take it!" Funny thing about not surrendering is that it really is a drag. And yet I hang on so hard! Maybe it is because I still want to believe that I know what is ultimately better for my life than God does.

So I talked with God last night. I told him, "I'm sorry I hung onto this. I'm sorry that I didn't trust you. Please help me to want what you want." After praying this prayer, I got in bed and decided to see how many things I could ask God for before I fell asleep. I'm not sure at what prayer I was one when I finally drifted off to sleep, but I did.

Then I slept the best I've slept in weeks and woke up refreshed, clear-headed, and hungry again for God (see, that was the other thing, my appetite for God waned while I clung tightly to what I wanted).

"I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid" (John 14:27).

What We Need

In my other blog, I've been working through Matthew 5. I've been struck over and over again Christ's call to be transformed at a heart level. I came across the following quote tonight and liked it. It is from Thoughts from the Mount of Blessings:

The victory is not won without much earnest prayer, without the humbling of self at every step. Our will is not to be forced into co-operation with divine agencies, but it must be voluntarily submitted. Were it possible to force upon you with a hundredfold greater intensity the influence of the Spirit of God, it would not make you a Christian, a fit subject for heaven. The stronghold of Satan would not be broken. The will must be placed on the side of God’s will. You are not able, of yourself, to bring your purposes and desires and inclinations into submission to the will of God; but if you are “willing to be made willing,” God will accomplish the work for you, even “casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5. Then you will “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God whichworketh in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure.” Philippians 2:12, 13.

But many are attracted by the beauty of Christ and the glory of heaven, who yet shrink from the conditions by which alone these can become their own. There are many in the broad way who are not fully satisfied with the path in which they walk. They long to break from the slavery of sin, and in their own strength they seek to make a stand against their sinful practices. They look toward the narrow way and the strait gate; but selfish pleasure, love of the world, pride, unsanctified ambition, place a barrier between them and the Saviour. To renounce their own will, their chosen objects of affection or pursuit, requires a sacrifice at which they hesitate and falter and turn back. Many “will seek to enter in, and shall not be able.” Luke 13:24. They desire the good, they make some effort to obtain it; but they do not choose it; they have not a settled purpose to secure it at the cost of all things.
The only hope for us if we would overcome is to unite our will to God’s will and work in co-operation with Him, hour by hour and day by day. We cannot retain self and yet enter the kingdom of God. If we ever attain unto holiness, it will be through the renunciation of self and the reception of the mind of Christ. Pride and self-sufficiency must be crucified. Are we willing to pay the price required of us? Are we willing to have our will brought into perfect conformity to the will of God? Until we are willing, the transforming grace of God cannot be manifest upon us.

Thoughts from the Mount of Blessings p. 142, 143

Transition

There's been some transitions in my life of late. Two ministries that I was involved in have both ended (one I ended myself). People I once saw frequently are harder to see because of those transitions as well as the busy nature of life. It seems as if a wave of community that I belonged to crested and dispersed. While that was happening, I was very busy. I put service over community, which, in my little world, makes sense--or is more like my default position.

But I realized that I could not serve long term unless I had community. So I've made a couple of changes and despite my sadness over the transitions--I have hope, a peace in knowing that God is here with me.

Awkward Classroom Moment

I walked by a student the other day and said, "Hi Frank." He said hi back. I then said, "Wait your name isn't Frank." "No, he said, "It's Claude."

Unfair

I walk every morning (okay, I attempt to walk every morning). Yesterday morning, I was in bed in the prone position my face smushed into my pillow. I knew I had to get up, but I just didn't want to. I laid there struggling and then a text from the gospels came to my mind, "Get up and walk." I started laughing. "Lord," I prayed, "That's unfair!"

Judgment

Judgment is the full revealing of who I am. It is as if someone took a complete fingerprint of my life and laid it down on paper. Judgment tells the truth. It reveals all of me. My selfishness, my quick-to-sin-ness, my pride, my vanity, judgment is God’s ultimate confrontation with me as a sinner.

How will I stand in judgment with God’s light piercing me? How will I stand with every defect revealed, every sin told at his glance? I will live then under the shadow of His wings. Under the wings of Him who said, “I will save my people from their sin.” I probably will be incapable of standing. For judgment will reveal to me—(my mind’s clearest moment) that my presence in heaven only comes as a divine favor, a cosmic recklessness to save this sinner. Under His wings and His glory and His purity the only words available to me will be “worthy is the lamb who was slain to receive honor and glory and power.” I will have at last fully entered what I only partially knew on earth—His Kingdom.

The Culture Shock of Heaven

I came across a file today with some of my old journal entries from about seven years ago. I'm going to share some here.

There’s a certain culture shock when entering the kingdom of God. The delights of heaven are not always the delights of earth. We enter into God’s kingdom at times expecting it to be run by the general rules of the here and now. Then God asks us to give up an earthly rule—maybe we have to give up our right to do whatever we want, maybe we have to give up our right to pride—and this process hurts. We yelp a bit at it. We complain to God. “Wasn’t this Christian life supposed to give me happiness?” We want to give up and get out during those times. But God says, “Wait. Trust.”

And so we wait. And after the initial shock the place becomes more comfortable. The terrain of God’s kingdom becomes familiar and then the day finally comes where we are such a part of God’s kingdom that the land that we came from seems dull, gray and boring by comparison. We no longer miss the “leeks and cucumbers” of Egypt. We traveled away, but we are no longer homesick. We recognize instead that what we left behind was not our home, but our exile.

Richness

I was recently discussing with a friend about another friend that has moved away from Orlando. I said, it's not like the song, "'I can't live if living is without you.' I don't need this friend to function, but her absence has made my life less rich."

I think this can be said of friends in general. Friends add texture to life. They give variety to the emotional terrain of our inner worlds.

But there's something else here. Each friend is uniquely valuable. If there is no snowflake alike; there's no friendship alike. I value the friend I mentioned earlier because her capacity for being profoundly serious and delightfully goofy (sometimes all in the same conversation)adds a little extra joy to my life.

I'm blessed with the richness my friends give my life.

New Blog

I'm not one for making New Year's resolutions. I like to joke that I enjoy making resolutions like, "Eat more chocolate." (Actually, I do make resolutions, but I make them the night before my birthday.) Anyhow, I did make a New Year's resolution. I want to spend this year saturated in the gospels. To do this, I'm trying to write a blog a day about a text or several texts from the gospels. I've started in and here's the link: http://athisfeet2012.blogspot.com/. Check it out when you get a chance.