The God of Worst Case Scenarios

When I decided to move back to the states, I had a good look at what might happen. I thought about how I could never come home risk free. I counted the risk. I asked myself, what would be the worst case scenario? The worst case scenario would be that I would look for work and not find anything and then be forced to find part time work and scrape by by living with my parents. (I really could have been a little more creative in devising a slightly more devastating worst-case-scenario.)

Right now, my worst-case-scenario seems to becoming true. With the exception of one full time job that I could possibly still get (but I won't know until August 14) there is nothing else on my plate jobwise. I have two weeks with no jobs to apply for and really nothing to do.

I confess I'm longing for specific direction. I anxious to do something while I wait. I've been asking God, "Should I start applying for part time work here?" "Should I send in my resume to Korea?" But the only answer that comes is: wait.

This morning I was praying, "Lord, what am I supposed to do with my day?" And the answer made me laugh. It seemed God said, "Enjoy your vacation."

Father, you know that I'm anxious, and not easily waitable. You know that today, despite my best intentions, I let my fear-of-the-future override my trust in You. Thank you that you are the God of worst case scenarios.

Guidance

I wrote in my prayer journal tonight: "please give me specific direction in my life." Then I flipped open a book called God Has Promised and the paged I turned to quite randomly was "Do You Need Guidance?" I had a good chuckle. Yes, indeed!

Here are some of the quotes that encouraged me:

"Sometimes answers to our prayers come immediately; sometimes we have to wait patiently and continue earnestly to plead for the things we need . . .There are precious promises in the Scriptures to those who wait upon the Lord. We all desire an immediate answer to our prayers, and are tempted to become discouraged if our prayer is not immediately answered . . . .The delay is for our own special benefit." Counsels on Health p. 380,381

As we commit ourselves to the wise Master Worker, He will bring out the pattern of life and character that will be to His own glory. The Desire of Ages, p.331

We need to follow more closely God's plan of life. To do our best in the work that lies nearest, to commit our ways to God, and watch for the indications of His providence--these are rules that ensure safe guidance in the choice of an occupation. Education p. 267

If we surrender our lives to His service, we can never be placed in a position for which God has not made provision. Whatever may be our situation, we have a Guide to direct our way; whatever our perplexities, we have a sure Counselor; whatever our sorrow, bereavement, or loneliness, we have a sympathizing Friend. If in our ignorance we make missteps, Christ does not leave us. His voice, clear and distinct, is heard saying, 'I am the way, the truth, and the life.' Christ's Object Lessons p. 173

If you've ever hated meetings. . .

If you have ever felt like a daywas shot because of a meeting, here's an interesting article to read about it.


http://www.paulgraham.com/makersschedule.html

Some Times Waiting Means Arriving Just in Time

My mom and I are in the same unemployment state. We make (I think) good company. We both pray for each other's work situation. We've both had our ups and downs and almost-maybe-got-that-job-but-no-not-this-one.

Today my mom was sharing with me some wisdom she gleaned by going to the airport yesterday to pick up my dad. She was running late and then she got stuck in this weird traffic jam (at 10:30 at night!) at a toll booth. She got more and more frustrated as the time went by, and the traffic didn't move. She spent thirty minutes sitting there. When she made it to the airport, she also got stuck in some more traffic. When she finally--finally pulled up to the passenger pick up area, my father called to tell her he had his luggage and he was walking out the door. She arrived exactly at the time he walked out the door. She told me she thinks that God was trying to teach her that sometimes delays are meant to get us to where we need to be just at the right time.

Rejection Letters

I had a friend who told me that she once took a class where students were assigned to deal with rejection. (A slightly cruel assignment I might add!) To aid in dealing with rejection students were assigned to go to some social event with lots of strangers and ask ten strangers on a date. (I never asked what would happen if all ten strangers said yes.)

Well, I've never done anything that drastic, but I'm learning to deal with rejection. Here it is: I've applied to eight jobs. I've received five rejection letters, two no-responses, and one come-in-for-an-interview. I went in for the interview, but did not get the job. This could get depressing after awhile, but it's also becoming normal. (Oh dear.)

I must say being rejected for a job holds a lot less of a sting then being personally rejected. When a person rejects me, it is ambiguous (personal rejections rarely come with explanations), but when I get another "thank you for your application, but..." I usually can explain it to myself that my competitors are probably just better candidates. There is not much loss in saying that. I know I'm young, inexperienced, and a non-PhD holder.

I am grateful for the one job interview I did have. It proved that hiring committees are not monsters (they can be genuinely nice people), and it proved that I could interview without falling into the blather-nonsense mode or absolute-silence mode (both stunning ways I deal with stress).

So I'm back in the saddle again today and applying for my nineth job. (This is where the cowboy music starts up. Yipee, kai yeah!) As the proverb goes, "If you fall off a horse, you have to get right back on it." I did have to battle a little voice today that said--applying for another job is useless, and really do you want to get yet another rejection letter? So sure, getting back on the horse isn't easy, but my foot is the stirrup and here it goes again. Wahoo!

I didn't know that

I like learning from people. The other day I went to a party of a sixteen year old that I'd never met. (Don't ask. Well, it has something to do with the pastor's family being invited.) Anyway, a the party I met a woman in her early 70s who had lived in Bangkok when she was five years old. She told me that after Thailand surrendered to Japan that all the foreigners sympathetic with the allies were rounded up and put in prison camps. She with her family were put in a camp at Thammasat University. The camp was guarded by Thais and not by the Japanese. The Thai guards were fairly kind captors. They even threw green mangoes into the camp for the prisoners on occasion. She told me that they were fed rice and water buffalo meat and on occasion their friends could bring them vegetables.

The woman I met told me that after six months her family was sent to Mozambique and exchanged for Japanese prisoners there. Eventually after the war her family returned to Thailand and her dad worked at Mission hospital.

Well, that's my history lesson today. I have more yet to learn on the topic! So I guess it's not always a bad thing to go to parties for people you don't know. You never know who you might meet.

Thy Will Be Done: A Quote

"But is this prayer, 'Thy will be done,' not after all a secret surrender of what one has prayed for? That is not the case. It does not mean: 'I am not happy about my petition, dear heavenly Father . . . It was intended only provisionally, and I would rather take it back. . . yes, Father I renounce my bread. Thy will shall not be bound by my little wishes. Thy will shall sweep onwards great and sublime over my little, little affairs.' This is just what the words 'Thy will be done' do not mean. They mean: 'Thou undestandest my prayer better than I understand it myself (Rom 8:16). Thou knowest whether I most need hunger or bread. Whatever may come, I will say 'Yes, dear Lord' (Matt 15:17). For I know that in everything thy will gives fulfillment--beyond my asking and my comprehension (Eph 3:20)."

p. 20, Between God and Satan, Helmut Thielicke

Hoops to Jump Through

Getting work has always come easy for me so I guess I'm getting a taste of "the real world". The HR office at the college I'm applying to work for just called. They told me that I'll need to come in on July 13. I'll be given an exam (which they refrained to tell me what the exam will be about!) and then given fifteen minutes to prepare for my interview, an interview, then fifteen more minutes to do a teaching demonstration. If I pass at that level, I'll be called in with two other finalist to do another interview on July 27. Talk about lessons in controlling nervousness!

It's funny to pray to get a job. What about the other people applying for the same job? I suppose then the prayer is: may I get the job if I can do it well and be a blessing to this school and if this is a good place for me to be in my life!

Well, I'm going to start studying. This is something I've been wanting to anyway. I need to brush up on education theory and specifically composition theory. I also might relook through a grammar book just in case my exam is over grammar.

God & Desire

"Hast thou not seen how thy desires have been/Granted in what he ordainth."


I'm still thinking about desires and wrestling with the relationship between my desires and God's will. This morning I was thinking about how I would never want to want something so badly that I gave God the job of official-approver-of-what-I-want. "Here Father, this is what I want. Did I hear you say, yes?"


When it comes to desires, I think God is involved in the process from the very beginning. I've noticed that through different life experiences (some not so pleasant I might add!) God has been revealing to me what my heart's desires are.


But now that I can clearly articulate what I want, I realize that He wants my desires. The things I long for I turn over to Him. Those dreams and desires are safe with Him. He knows better than me how to get to place where I want to go. While I have an inkling of how I can get what I want, I really don't know the best way to get there. How lucky I am to have a God who is better at reading maps than me!

Also, my desires are safe with Him because He knows my desires better than me. I read a story recently about Augustine's mother. She prayed desperately for him to stay near her so she could influence him for good, but he went to another country. In that country, he found God. God did not answer her prayer that Augustine would stay near her so He could answer her ultimate prayer that her son would follow God. God answers my ultimate desires.

My specific desire right now is to find a job where I can have enough free time to write, but God knows my ultimate desires. If He has to forgo a specific desire to reach the ultimate desires of my life for now--then I'm blessed--even though I might not see the blessing in a detour.

But what I see more and more is that beyond my earthly dreams God has planted a deeper desire. He has planted a desire for Him. He has put eternity in my heart (Ecc. 3:11). Or as Augustine once prayed, "You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you."

**I wrote most of this post this morning and decided to sit on it some more to think about it. I was just crawling in bed and to read before I went to sleep I got out the Desire of Ages and read the following in the preface:

"Most of use, whatever our race or station in life, long for something better than we now possess. God Himself has planted this desire in our nature, that we may not be satisfied with present attainments whether bad, or good, or better. God desires that we shall seek the best, and find it. Often these longings are perverted. We may try to satisfy our desires with pleasures, money, creature comforts, and power. But these things eventually prove empty and unsatisfying, leaving our lives empty. God designs that our hearts' desires should lead to the One who alone is able to satisfy them. He wants us to find Jesus the Christ, the Son of the Eternal God. "For in Him (Christ) all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell."

I thought how appropriate the paragraph was for my musings today. I suppose it's even more appropriate that the book is titled The Desire of Ages.

God of desires and my Desire--bless this life written here.