Today I missed....

Today I missed American grocery stores. The soothing music playing overhead (none of the loud and repetitive how-do-I-make-you-love-me music of TESCO-Lotus). The smell bread when I walked in the door. The sanity of being able to walk through the store without running into someone. The pleasure of one whole aisle dedicated to cereal. There is fresh flowers, fresh donuts in those stores; there is eggs actually stored in the fridge, milk in all its forms: low fat, whole, skim, and soy; fruit, cherries, peaches, plums, pears, blackberries, and raspberries . . .

I know that I will miss Thailand. Ironically, in the past, some of my missing-Thailand-moments came the strongest when I was shopping; I think it's because I had time to think. (I do my best thinking while shopping.)

So here's to next year! To grocery stores! To life again in America! And to missing this country that has come to mean so much to me.

Where are you from?

If I get asked that question, I have to stop and think. Does this person want the long answer or the short answer? I usually opt for the short answer. "I work in Thailand but my home town is about an hour east of San Francisco." If they want the long answer here it goes without taking a breath.

I was born in Wasco, CA, then I moved to Armona, then Majuro, then, Wyoming, then Colorado, then Majuro, then Sonora, CA, then Georgia, then Lodi, CA then back to Georgia, then Antioch, CA then Oakley, CA, then Taiwan, and now Thailand. See why I should only give the short answer?

Well, my parents are moving to Redding, CA which leaves me without an official home town. So what should I do? Maybe I should just pick a place somewhere in Cali and call it my own. Hmmmmm....

I just remember I got yelled at at passport control in the US once because I couldn't figure out what to write on the form for country of residence. Don't grumpy passport control people know how confusing living between two countries is?

All Blue

Dot, Doris and I realized after church that we were all blue so we wanted to get a photo and the only thing availabe was my cell phone camera. (I need to buy a real camera!). But here we are--the ladies in blue. Little John is in this photo too. :)

Do One Thing that Scares You

I've been planning to go home for a year and work as I look into PhD programs. Today I was telling Dr Mack my plans and he said in essence...."Don't work start your PhD program as soon as possible." Gulp. I've been wanting this year to research the programs, to do my own research, to brush up on statistics, to retake the GRE, to look at every program and think about this whole Phd thing thoroughly. As I was talking with Dr Mack, I couldn't help but think about why I want to do everything slowly. I'm just plain scared. I'm scared I won't get accepted into a program, I'm scared of making a huge commitment, I'm scared that I will choose the wrong program or decide half way through my PhD program that my real passion isn't composition theory but economics. But he got me thinking. What would it hurt to simply start applying now? If I don't get accepted into any programs, I can go back to my original plan of working for a year.

I guess I have some homework to do now!

Inside Worlds

The other day a student stepped backward and into me in the cafeteria checkout line; he apologized quickly saying, "I'm sorry I was just singing."

This incident made me happy. Mostly because I like to sing to myself when I'm alone and I've had numerous awkward moments when I've turned a corner singing quite loudly only to encounter someone I barely knew. I also laugh out loud; this has given me even more embarrassment in public than singing.

We all live in our own little worlds. Sometimes our little worlds are happy places like the student singing to himself in the cafe. Sometimes it's just a pleasure to be inside one's self and comfortable there.

Other times we are, as one author I read recently said, spinning on the little axis of our own fears and worries. This author suggested the cure for this endless internal spinning is the salve of other people.

So here's to happy times in your own thoughts! And here's to people! We need them both.

Disappearing Words

The other day I was boiling a pineapple. (Don't ask.) Doris and I were discussing that there was a word for cooked fruit--oh, what was it? Finally we remembered, compote. Compote. I love compote. Okay, I haven't eaten any compote in years. But just saying the word makes me think of plum compote on toast. Yum!

I worry about words. I know there are a lot of things to worry about in the world. But I worry about words that disappear or that simply get neglected. Maybe lots of people use the word compote--but I haven't heard too many people talk about it lately.

Words that seem to be disappearing:

davenport
elimination (I find this word funny and horrible so maybe it is good that it is going out of style!)
shuck (as in 'let's go shuck the corn')
gingham (A MC employee told me the other day that he liked my gingham shirt; the comment almost made my day--not because I needed a compliment but because he used a fun word!)

I just looked up gingham in the dictionary. It comes from Malay-- ("a modification of the Malay genggang, striped cloth"). This is interesting because I associate the word gingham with Kansas, pioneers, dust, bonnets, Little House on the Prairie--you get the picture. But here is this very western US very Oh Pioneers! word and it came to English from Malay.

Language is a story. It tells us tales that we have forgotten. Maybe it simply shows that the world has always been small.

31

Thirty-one is so much better than 30. Going from my 20s into my 30s felt like a huge scary leap. (Ha. Ha. All of you happily into your 30s...You CAN mock me now.) But I'm grateful to be 31 this year. I'm grateful for 31 years of life and all the gifts that have been given to me so far. The gifts of an education, family, friends, travel, and opportunity. I've been blessed. I was also realizing how grateful I am that there is no age where living well comes to a screeching halt. All the talk in my teenage years that "this-is-the-best-time-of-your-life" was wrong. Today is the best day of my life. I enjoyed being a teenager, I liked my 20s, and I'm happy to be now into my 30s. In some ways life is richer now than it was ten years ago. I don't want to say that I have a lot of experience--I don't. But the gift of age is the gift of memories and now I have just that many more memories. I'm looking forward to my 30s to see what they will bring me. I'm also looking forward to my 40s and 50s and all that life has ahead of me.

My grandmother told me this summer that she hadn't run for awhile so in the middle of the night she went out into the hall of the assisted care home where she lives and she took her walker and she RAN down the hall. My grandmother probably got her spunk from her mother. My great-grandmother wanted to get married again when she was in her 80s. She hoped to go rafting for her honeymoon. I have two good examples of living well at all ages. I want to follow in their footsteps.

On Being Quiet

Yesterday I was in one of my quiet moods. I didn't feel like saying much. I went to a friend's house for lunch. She had several people over. Two children, one baby, and five adults can create a lot of noise, and the noise made me happy because I could just slip under it and listen. There were great conversations going on around me, but I mostly watched and reacted and listened.

Then for supper I went out with some other friends to a nice restaurant. We ate outside on couches. There was a man playing a guitar at the restaurant. He sang Spanish songs and English love songs; he even came to our table and serenaded us with several songs. It was a delightful evening--peace inducing, but not very helpful for getting me out of my quiet mood.

I like being quiet. I think it saves me trouble (I usually say things I regret!). I even enjoy being around other people when I don't feel like talking. I find something comforting in conversations that I am not participating in. Maybe being quiet slows me down and helps me enjoy the world around me. I am thankful for quiet days.

PS The candle is from our restaurant last night.