Funny. I was thinking about this paradox this morning: sometimes spiritual success makes me feel more weak than failure. The best example of this is appetite. If I'm eating, to say, not feel depressed, and I actually get my frontal lobe in gear and refuse to overeat--I've won a spiritual victory, but I still got the blues to deal with, and those blues might make me feel weak.
Right now, I'm experiencing a spiritual victory that is spilling weakness into my life. By refusing to commit a certain sin, I'm being confronted with why I run after that sin. I'd rather pretend that I'm perfect. I'd rather sin and repent and sin and repent than get to the root of my behavior. Cutting off the behavior means that all that drives that behavior has no where to go until I'm healed.
And this is why I serve an amazing God. My weakness drives me to Him. In fact, my weakness is a gift. Continued victory will only come out of throwing myself completely on Him. How blessed I am to know my own incapacity and His strength.
When I was a kid we used to sing a song that gave me courage it still gives me courage today. Here it is below:
He’s still working on me to make me what I really ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
The Sun and the Earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be, He’s still working on me.
There really ought to be a sign upon my heart,
‘Don’t Judge Me Yet There’s An Unfinished Part’.
But I’ll be perfect just according to his plan,
Fashioned by the Master’s loving hand.
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