Simple Day

Today I went for a walk, went to Target, ate at Heber's Cuban Cafe (I love their vegetarian Cuban sandwiches), went to Bed, Bath & Beyond (that store is amazing), washed my car, vacuumed my car, went to the mechanics to get my timing belt checked, waxed my car, shined the car wheels, ate waffles and blueberries for super, went with a friend to prayer meeting, went shopping and had a nice conversation with the same friend, and now it's time for me to go to bed. I love the satisfaction of a simple day. (I'm on spring break hence the luxury of this simple day.)

Joyful Prayer

Intercessory prayer can, in my life, take several forms. One way I pray is a kind of casual "Lord bless ________" and "Bless _____________". I've also spent time really getting down to what the needs of the person I'm praying for are.

Recently, I was struck that intercessory prayer while it is often serious can also be joyful. As I pray for people, I'm joyful because I know that there is no other real solution for them than Christ--and just the simple act of praying Christ's spirit into their lives is a step in the right direction. It's joyful because I can trust that God is working in my life and my friends' life, and it's exciting to see what He can and will do for us.

These Blessings

I have a floor to sit on with a floor heater turned on (even though it's 75 degrees in my house). I have a bookshelf full of books (some tipped to the left because I pulled out their neighbors and neglected to replace them), I have a messy room because my ritual Friday-before-Sabbath-starts cleaning was scuttled for a long drive to I-Drive to pick up a visitor I met at church who got stranded at a store because she was too far from her motel room to walk back and did not enough cash to pay a taxi to get back.

I have cicadas outside humming their long notes. I have a chance to choose to be here, present in Orlando, in my life right now (I never left, but I needed to choose to stay). I have ideas to explore; I have friendships to nurture and grow. I have people to connect and potlucks to attend. And books to read, did I say that already? It's worth saying again--BOOKS to read.

I have God's forgiveness that is far as the east is from the west. I have a God who names me what I will be and not what I am (see John 1:42), who loves to love me, who is teaching me and knows what is best "whether hunger or bread" for my life.

These are my blessings.

Vindication

What if the subtlest temptation is vindication? Here's the scenario that has happened (gulp) more than once with me this month. Someone has done something that has upset me, so I want to go to my coworkers or friends and describe the situation then have them kindly concur that I was right so I can feel better about myself. Sometimes I'm wrong (like last time this happened), and sometimes I'm pretty sure I'm right (like in my current situation), but I wonder if it really doesn't matter if I'm right or wrong--that learning the grace to let go of the need to vindicate my own ego is more important than the satisfaction of people reassuring me that I'm good person.

Stop Asking for Help

The title for the sermon today was "Change Your Prayer". The preacher, an Elder Joel Tompkin, told about how his father, when he became a Christian gave up gambling, womanizing, and drinking, but he couldn't quit smoking no matter how hard he tried. For the longest time his father prayed, "Lord, help me to quit smoking". But nothing came of it. Finally he prayed, "Lord, I'm helpless" and that's when the temptation to smoke lost its power over him.

Then the preacher focused on the following story:

"So He asked his father, 'How long has this been happening to him?' And he said, 'From childhood. And often he has thrown him both into the fire and into the water to destroy him. But if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.' Jesus said to him, 'If you can believe,[a] all things are possible to him who believes.' Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, 'Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!'” (Mark 9:21-24).

The man had to change his prayer. We have to change our prayer. We need to stop praying, "Lord help me" prayers and start praying, "Lord I'm helpless" prayers. The preacher said, "I'm convinced that the 'Lord help me prayers' often go unanswered, but [God] cannot pass, 'Lord, I'm helpless' prayers."

Nothing New

People like to ask me, "So what's new?" For some reason, that question always leaves me with nothing to say. In fact, I panic a little because I feel like I should have a new experience to share like "Oh, yes, I went to Paris last week." But really, most of my days look about the same. Catch me on February 28 or catch me on March 13 and well there wouldn't be much to differientiate between those days.

I'm in a season of my life right now called the ordinary--it's not a bad place to be in. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'll have days years from now when I'll long for this season--but it doesn't provide a lot of fodder for conversation.

So what I wish I could be asked instead of "what's new?" is "what books have you been reading lately?" "what did you learn this week?" Or even, "What was your favorite meal this month?" These are the new things in my life: common, ordinary, and sweet these gifts, but treasured still the same.

The Ultimate Prayer

I've decided that my ultimate prayer is this: "Lord I believe, help my unbelief" (Mark 9:24).

This prayer has taken the following forms in my life:

Lord, I forgive help my unforgiveness.

I remember being so angry/hurt/bitter toward a friend that I had to wake up every day for months praying, "Lord, I choose to forgive ______________. Give me the strength to forgive again." The feeling of forgiveness didn't catch up with the choice for awhile, but eventually the bitterness I felt simply disappeared. And what a sweet gift that was!


Lord, I don't feel guilty, please help me feel guilty.

It might seem strange to pray for guilt since I spend a great deal of my life trying to pray to be released from guilt. However, my guilt sensor is off. I feel guilty for the wrong things (oh, not going to the coworker's daughter's wedding after getting an invite), and not guilty for the right things (ummm blatant obvious not-gray-area-sin). So I pray for guilt (conviction) because when I can logically see that what I'm doing is wrong, I want to make sure that my heart follows along too!

Peace

"You got your peace back." My college friend's words still echo in my head. Peace is so important. This week I lost a little of my peace. I was "off" for part of the week and then last night after talking with a good friend (mostly complaining to her), I realized why I was off; I had chosen not to surrender an area of my life to God.

"No," I got this one God, "I don't want you to take it!" Funny thing about not surrendering is that it really is a drag. And yet I hang on so hard! Maybe it is because I still want to believe that I know what is ultimately better for my life than God does.

So I talked with God last night. I told him, "I'm sorry I hung onto this. I'm sorry that I didn't trust you. Please help me to want what you want." After praying this prayer, I got in bed and decided to see how many things I could ask God for before I fell asleep. I'm not sure at what prayer I was one when I finally drifted off to sleep, but I did.

Then I slept the best I've slept in weeks and woke up refreshed, clear-headed, and hungry again for God (see, that was the other thing, my appetite for God waned while I clung tightly to what I wanted).

"I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid" (John 14:27).

What We Need

In my other blog, I've been working through Matthew 5. I've been struck over and over again Christ's call to be transformed at a heart level. I came across the following quote tonight and liked it. It is from Thoughts from the Mount of Blessings:

The victory is not won without much earnest prayer, without the humbling of self at every step. Our will is not to be forced into co-operation with divine agencies, but it must be voluntarily submitted. Were it possible to force upon you with a hundredfold greater intensity the influence of the Spirit of God, it would not make you a Christian, a fit subject for heaven. The stronghold of Satan would not be broken. The will must be placed on the side of God’s will. You are not able, of yourself, to bring your purposes and desires and inclinations into submission to the will of God; but if you are “willing to be made willing,” God will accomplish the work for you, even “casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5. Then you will “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God whichworketh in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure.” Philippians 2:12, 13.

But many are attracted by the beauty of Christ and the glory of heaven, who yet shrink from the conditions by which alone these can become their own. There are many in the broad way who are not fully satisfied with the path in which they walk. They long to break from the slavery of sin, and in their own strength they seek to make a stand against their sinful practices. They look toward the narrow way and the strait gate; but selfish pleasure, love of the world, pride, unsanctified ambition, place a barrier between them and the Saviour. To renounce their own will, their chosen objects of affection or pursuit, requires a sacrifice at which they hesitate and falter and turn back. Many “will seek to enter in, and shall not be able.” Luke 13:24. They desire the good, they make some effort to obtain it; but they do not choose it; they have not a settled purpose to secure it at the cost of all things.
The only hope for us if we would overcome is to unite our will to God’s will and work in co-operation with Him, hour by hour and day by day. We cannot retain self and yet enter the kingdom of God. If we ever attain unto holiness, it will be through the renunciation of self and the reception of the mind of Christ. Pride and self-sufficiency must be crucified. Are we willing to pay the price required of us? Are we willing to have our will brought into perfect conformity to the will of God? Until we are willing, the transforming grace of God cannot be manifest upon us.

Thoughts from the Mount of Blessings p. 142, 143