Waylaying

Strong emotions have a way of completely waylaying me. I am at work needing to prepare for class, but I can't concentrate. I have two different emotions washing over me. One is grief. Not a grief for me but for a student. Someone died in her family yesterday; she has given me no other details. She came to class today. I was surprised to see her. She came to class and had the look, and I've seen that look before and hate it--the shutting-down, the-not-quite-here, the damped-down sadness that comes after the news of a death. I hate the look not because I don't expect it or understand it but because I hate death! I hate that every school year (sometimes every semester) I have a student who loses someone. It makes me angry.

Then there's something else happening. An email in my inbox about an opportunity for someone I care about: not any opportunity--an opportunity to do something I love, so a wave of joy and excitement is crashing into this wave of anger and grief, and I have a class to prepare for.

I tell my students when they are struggling that it's hard to do life and school sometimes. That's true for teachers too.